Son of a...

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, ‘Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?’ The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, ‘Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?’

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, ‘It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.

Now wipe that smile off your face.

Hat tip: Spicybugz World

Silliness

If you stare at this picture long enough
you should be able to see a giraffe.
This is weird. Give it a try.

See how long it takes you to see it.

Don't ask why or how, just do it!!

Did you see it?

Keep smiling... It makes people wonder what you are up to!
Hat tip: Faythe of Grammy Mouse Tails

Feline Physics Laws - Part II

Second Law of Energy Conservation

Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

Law of Refrigerator Observation

If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

Law of Electric Blanket Attraction

Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

Law of Random Comfort Seeking

A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

Law of Bag/Box Occupancy

All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

Law of Cat Embarrassment

A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to his/her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

Law of Milk Consumption

A cat will drink his/her weight in milk, squared, just to show you they can.

Law of Furniture Replacement

A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

Law of Cat Landing

A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid-section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.

Law of Fluid Displacement

A cat immersed in milk will displace his/her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

Law of Cat Disinterest

A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest them.

Law of Pill Rejection

Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

Law of Cat Composition

A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

Feline Physics Laws - Part I

Law of Cat Inertia

A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Motion

A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

Law of Cat Magnetism

All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics

Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching

A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping

All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

Law of Cat Elongation

A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

Law of Cat Obstruction

A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.

Law of Cat Acceleration

A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

Law of Dinner Table Attendance

Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

Law of Rug Configuration

No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

Law of Obedience Resistance

A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

First Law of Energy Conservation

Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

Snake & Rabbit

A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.

When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.

The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.

The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!"

The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"

About Cats - Part II

1. Cats get an average of 16 hours of sleep per day.


2. Cats have 32 muscles in each ear and can turn their ear very quickly to catch noise.


3. Cats have an average of 24 whiskers, arranged in four horizontal rows on each side.


4. Cats have five toes on each front paw, but only four toes on each back paw.


5. Cats make over 100 different vocal sounds; dogs can make about ten.


6. Dogs and cats, like humans, are either right or left handed, or is that paws?


7. Domestic cats hate lemons or other citrus scents.


8. In the cat family, only cheetahs cannot retract their claws.


9. Jaguars are the only big cats that don't roar.


10. Julius Ceasar, Henri II, Charles XI, and Napoleon were all afraid of cats.


11. Kittens are born both blind and deaf.


12. Most cats have no eyelashes.


13. Mother cats teach their kittens to use the litter box.


14. Sir Isaac Newton invented the cat door.


15. Today there are about 100 distinct breeds of the domestic cat.

About Cats - Part I

1. A cat can jump even seven times as high as it is tall.


2. A cat cannot see directly under its nose. This is why the cat cannot seem to find tidbits on the floor.


3. A cat is pregnant for about 58-65 days.


4. A cat's IQ is only surpassed by that of monkeys and chimps in the world of animals.


5. A cat's nose pad is as unique as a human fingerprint. No two nose prints are identical.


6. A cat's sense of smell is about 14 times stronger than ours.


7. A litter of kittens is called a kindle, and a group of cats is called a clowder.


8. Americans will spend more on cat food this year than baby food.


9. Ancient Egyptians shaved their eyebrows in mourning when their cats died.


10. Cat urine glows under a black-light!


11. Catgut comes from sheep not cats.


12. Cats are members of the Felidea family.


13. Cats are the only animals that purr. They can purr at around 26 cycles per second, which is the same frequency as an idling diesel engine.


14. Cats cannot taste sweet things.


15. Cats do not think that they are little people. They think that we are big cats.

Cats

Punishing Your Human Being

Sometimes, despite your best training efforts, your human will stubbornly resist bending to your whim. In these extreme circumstances, you may have to punish your human. Obvious punishments, such as scratching furniture or eating household plants, are likely to backfire--the unsophisticated humans are likely to misinterpret the activities and then try to discipline YOU. Instead, we offer these subtle but nonetheless effective alternatives:

• Use the cat box during an important formal dinner.
• Stare impassively at your human while it is attempting a romantic interlude.
• Stand over an important piece of electronic equipment and feign a hairball attack.
• After your human has watched a particularly disturbing horror film, stand by the hall closet and then slowly back away, hissing and yowling.
• While your human is sleeping, lie on their face.

Don't forget to visit Awww...Mondays!

Qualities

"With the qualities of cleanliness, affection, patience, dignity, and courage that cats have, how many of us, I ask you, would be capable of becoming cats?" - Fernand Mery

About Cats

"One reason we admire cats is for their proficiency in one-upmanship. They always seem to come out on top, no matter what they are doing, or pretend they do." - Barbara Webster

Cats

"Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat." - Mark Twain Notebook, 1894