More Funny Sayings

• When you're getting kicked from behind, at least it means you're in front.
• Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.
• Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
• Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
• Some people are like blisters. They don't show up until the work is done.
• Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
• Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
• The one who snores will fall asleep first.
• The probability of meeting someone you know increases greatly when you are out with someone you do not want to be seen with.

Stupid Quotes - Part III

"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again." -- Sen. Barbara Boxer, (D, Calif.)

"You read what Disraeli had to say. I don't remember what he said. He said something. He's no longer with us." -- Bob Dole

"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl." -- Marion Barry

"You can't just let nature run wild." -- Wally Hickel, former governor of Alaska

"The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45." -- Mike Murphy, adviser to Lamar Alexander

"I cannot tell you how grateful I am -- I am filled with humidity." -- Gib Lewis, speaker of the Texas House

"I think I may need a bathroom break. Is this possible?" -- President Bush, in a note to to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during a U.N. Security Council meeting, September 14, 2005

Stupid Quotes - Part II

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." - Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony

"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally." - Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." - Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports analyst

"Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything." - Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novel

"I've read about foreign policy and studied, I now know the number of continents." - George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." - Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor

"The world is more like it is now then it ever has before."- Dwight Eisenhower

"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate." -- Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D.C.

Stupid Quotes

"Please provide the date of your death." - from an IRS letter

"I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes." - Richard (Dicky) Nixon

We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" - Lee Iacocca

"A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on." - Samuel Goldwyn

Helpful Warnings: "CAUTION: Knife is very sharp. Keep out of children"

"The people in the Navy look on motherhood as being compatible with being a woman." - Rear Admiral James R. Hogg

"If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." - Brooke Shields

"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce." - Correction notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper

"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly." - Batman costume warning label

"The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others." - Jerry Brown

Words of Wisdom

Some of my favorite sayings:

1. Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning. Mahatma Gandhi


2. You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. Christopher Columbus


3. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. Thomas A Edison


4. Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill. Muhammad Ali


5. So many of our dreams at first seems impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable. Christopher Reeve


6. Efficiency is doing things right. Effectiveness is doing the right things. Peter Drucker


7. Formal education will make you a living. Self education will make you a fortune. Jim Rohn


8. You must be the change you want to see in the world. Mahatma Gandhi


9. Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. Ralph Waldo Emerson


10. It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without [necessarily] accepting it. Aristotle

The Paradox of Our Age

We have bigger houses but smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.

We have more degrees, but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgement more experts, but more problems, more medicines, but less healthiness.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the neighbor.

We built more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication.

We have become long on quantity, but short on quality.

These are fast times of fast foods, but slow digestion.

Tall man, but short character.

Steep profits, but shallow relationships.

It is a time where there is much in the window, but nothing in the room.

His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

Hat tip: Phil of Phils Phun